Reflection time

This week the normal day to day routine has been turned on its ear. Rachel has been out of commission recovering from surgery on Tuesday and that left a huge void in our family. Before the week started I had it all figured out, I knew that I could handle all the household tasks. I had a semi-specialized job that was starting on Tuesday night that would require me to be out with the crew for a few hours at night, but that's okay, that helps me justify taking some personal time during the day to get the kids off to school and look after Cal. Things seemed like they were going to be simple.

Things I have learned from my simple plan:

1. Things are not so simple.


2. My kids love their mom. Leading up to this event a few of the kids have expressed their concern what was going to happen to their mom. I thought that we could take time at family night to explain a little bit what was going to happen. They were all very attentive, rare. Tuesday night I took the kids to the hospital to see mom, we were all so excited to see her and it was nice, but inevitably we had to go back home and that brought alot of tears, and swollen hearts. As the kids and I were driving home, three of them crying for mom, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for such a good mom for my kids to love.


3. Three hours of sleep is not alot. I'm a wreck. I thought that my night job was going to make my days easy. How could I be so stupid? How could I have existed on earth for my whole life and have such an illogical thought? I still have jobs going on during the day, AND I have kids, a house, and a wife that needs special care. It's like four full time jobs. No time for sleep.


4. I have good kids. So with the whole 'full plate' thing I've got going on, and the no sleep thingy, the kids are getting the shaft. One night, I cannot remember which one, I freaked out at the older kids about milk rings that I scrubbed off the table from breakfast. I was way out of line and I did apologize later. The following day I was picking up Hannah from school. I pulled up and as she was walking to the car I looked at all the other school kids and in comparison, she glowed. She is such a good girl, I felt bad again about getting after them, and if my only complaint I have about my kids is they don't wipe up residual milk after every meal, or leave their backpacks on the floor I should be thankful. I am thankful.


5. After one day without a shower one of two things happens; either my nose adapts to the smell or the smell just goes away. It makes me wonder if body odor is our own smell mixed with the cleaning agents and toiletries we use.


6. If I leave a little clutter and go to bed or to work, it is there when I return to it. What happened to the clutter fairy? Oh right she's in bed recovering. Where is the dish fairy? Healing. I could not look away any longer, I had to do some cleaning.


7. My wife is a remarkable person. I have always known this. I'm not one of those jerks who lives a centristic ungrateful life, I try to see and count my blessings everyday. I guess what I have learned to be the most grateful for is the special relationship Rachel has with each on of our children. I believe she works at those relationships just like ours. I can make to do lists of chores and errands, and I will go down the list just fine. I am a provider, I'll get the job done. The un-fillable void is the nurturing. I cannot cross that chasm to the kids, I don't know how. She fills that emotional need for them...for all of us. What a gift. What a special woman.