Opening the Closet and Letting Out a Skeleton

It started innocently: The year was 1999, I was on the road, in a laundromat exchanging a $10 bill for quarters.


I grabbed the quarters and noticed that a few of them seemed to be tokens. No big deal, I'll use them first. Then I looked closer, this was no token, this was some kind of new fangled piece of United States currency! A quarter dollar with a man on a horse on the back?! This is just the entertainment that a guy sitting in a laundromat in San Francisco California needed to pass the time between wash cycles! Every bill I had in my wallet went though the bill changer. I ended up with 10 of these cool new quarters.

Harmless fun? Maybe then, but nearly ten years have passed and I have devoted far too much time and effort into my quest for eight complete sets of state quarters. Laundromat hijinks is one thing, but driving to coin-op car wash stations with a clean car, manipulating every purchase I make with change to the nearest .25 dollar so I will get quarters back, even having the kids check their quarters when they come home seems to be anther thing altogether. This is no longer a healthy, fun hobby, it's an addiction.

Today I stooped to a new low. I was late leaving this morning and didn't eat. Usually not the end of the world but en route to my second site I saw a Jamba Juice and stopped in. The store was uncharacteristically empty, only one worker in the whole store. She took my order, turned and went to make my drink. This is where it gets ugly.

I cannot explain why but it just happened. It was like a crossroads of sorts, the world turned in slow motion. I stood there, I glanced down and gazed into a small metal pail next to the cash register with the word "Tips" on it. Among other coinage and a few bills were two very shiny quarters.

As my world was in slow-motion, my mind was moving in super fast motion with thoughts like,

"Oh boy those are new, good chance of a Hawaii or Alaska"

"Why are they both heads?...The phrase 'coin flips chance' means that one of those two should be tails!"

"Where's the blender girl?"

"I will put my change in there and extract those two coins....Dang, I only have thirteen cents, I don't want to steal from the tip pail!"

"Blender girl has her back turned, reach in and check, throw a dollar in if you must....wait, I will not pay more than fifty cents for two quarters"

"Time is running out, check those coins man!"

So I did. I reached my hand in pulled out the cold coveted currency. Quickly I flipped them over and saw......OKLAHOHA! and....OKLAHOMA!? I have all the Oklahomas I need.

My hand when limp, the coins dropped back into the bucket, and I felt pretty gross. How could I let myself go there? Why Stephen? Why? I have a real problem. A real problem.